Don't Look at Me
by MisRcyLoe
Summary: Kagome is tired of Inuyasha not seeing her, but through her, to Kikyo.


_Don't look at me_

_if you're not going to see_

_who I am_

_but see me as someone you knew._

_From your tortured past,_

_a past you can't let go._

They sat together in silence on her bed. Distant eyes darting around the room, desperately focusing on anything but each other. The valiant effort went fruitless as both pairs glanced at the other. However, both had different expressions. Warm, chocolate brown met with desolate golden, dark from the pain he had to endure in his youth.

Her eyes alight with love only for him. Love she had carried in her heart since she was a naïve, fifteen year old who had fallen hard for him and still harbors those tender feelings. That emotion only growing into something stronger and it shown in her sparkling orbs, blocking the persisting anguish at the terrible scenes she had witnessed. Though she was worried about her half demon love, she only wanted to show him love, even if, he wasn't showing her any.

His golden eyes were dark with pain, pain he held with him. When he met her eyes, they softened and he crawled closer to her. His hand reached out to her cheek, rubbing the smooth skin, as though assuring himself that she wasn't some illusion that will disappear in an instant. His hand traversed her neck, to her shoulder, then skimmed down her arm to tangle his fingers with hers.

Suddenly, the woman before him changed. Her hair grew until it flowed beautifully down her back and her faintly tanned skin lightened to a milky white. The skimpy, ludicrous outfit converted into the traditional, modest priestess garb. Although the garb did nothing to flatter her curvaceous body, he believed her to be beautiful and right now, she still looks beautiful.

So beautiful, that he simply couldn't help but let go of her hand and bring it to the back of her neck. His claws weaved through her perfect mess of ebony hair, hooking another arm around her slender waist. Her eyes widened in surprise at his affectionate actions, but he disregarded her surprise. He spent months, years, eternities, it seems, repressing his mad desires of pulling her into fierce embraces, locking her lips passionately with his, whispering constantly that he loved her until she couldn't deny it.

He decided he would make those desires reality tonight. His hand brought her face closer to his. Her eyes fluttered closed and he leaned in all the way. Their lips touched in an electrifying kiss, shutting down all his senses and only concentrating on their kiss. Her soft lips began responding to his and his tongue seeped through his mouth to caress hers. She threw her arms around his neck and he adjusted himself so he could be closer to her, bringing her small frame against his strong body.

He coaxed her to lay down, still keeping his lips locked with hers. She lowered herself until her back was flush with the bed and he was on top of her. His hands skimmed down her body, touching places he never dared he would touch before and she was allowing it. He smiled against her lips as he broke the sweet kiss and allowed his lips to trail down her neck.

He moaned against her soft flesh. "Kikyo…"

_I am not her, no matter how alike_

_In looks, in power, in anything._

_Same hair, same eyes, same destinies,_

_but different people. _

_She's her, and I am me._

_You don't see that,_

_so I don't want you to look at me_

_as a gateway to another_

_see beyond my childish features_

_to the woman you had loved_

_so completely_

_I could never be that woman_

_if all you're going to see_

_is her._

"W-What?"

He froze as a new transformation took place. Kikyo, the woman he adored, shrunk into a teenager, who was equally beautiful, staring up at him with hurt. "Ka-Kagome?"

She scoffed, desperately fighting against the tears threatening to burst. "Yeah, sorry to disappoint you."

He hung his head, knowing he had done something so foolish. His body moved from hers, sitting with his arms crossed and legs folded. His true expression shadowed by the bangs of his face. He was kissing Kagome, the girl who he knew had feelings for him and who he harbored such feelings as well. And he moaned for Kikyo.

_Don't look at me if it_

_pains you._

_I know it does._

_You pretend it doesn't,_

_but like you do me,_

_I can see through you, to _

_your battered soul._

She brought her hands to her face, moist with her flow of tears. As she cried into her palms, she pulled her hands away to see through her distorted vision, Inuyasha's back to her. She wanted to see his face, know what he was thinking, so she whispered his name.

"Inuyasha?"

He only grunted, but didn't heed her silent request. He never turned to look at her, not even for an instant. There, Kagome's hopes of Inuyasha ever returning her feelings obliterated. She pushed herself into a similar position, but buried her head in her knees. The pungent smell of salt inundated the room, but the half demon struggled not to go to her.

He can't look at her, because now he realize, she wasn't Kikyo.

_You miss her…_

After Kikyo's tragic demise, Kagome wondered if Inuyasha would miss her just as much as he did Kikyo. It was obvious, the burden of pain he carried with him. She would sense he was hurting whether or not he was close to her. How he missed her was so intense that even Kagome herself cried for Kikyo, for herself, and for Inuyasha.

_You love her…_

Kikyo had captured his heart. Even after piercing his chest with her arrow, sealing him and throwing away fifty years of his precious life, his battered soul was still in love with her. After all the betrayals, attempts at stealing his life, they only served to strengthen his love for her rather than weaken.

_You want her_

_But she is not here,_

_so you look at me._

Feeling incredibly guilty and unable to ignore the salty scent, he crawled over to Kagome. The girl refused to look up at him, but he felt it was better if she didn't. However, later, she did. Her glistening face and bloodshot eyes met his, but narrowed into a warning glare. He knew he was close to receiving a 'sit', but she never uttered the word.

"Kagome… I'm sorry." He apologized.

She nodded. "I understand. I do look like her after all. But Inuyasha, why can't you understand I'm not her!" She reaches out to grab his hands, as though it would suddenly make his feelings for her stronger than for Kikyo. "Look at me Inuyasha, not through me. I'm the one who would stop at nothing to achieve your happiness and safety. I'm the one who would never raise a bow against you and unless I did, it was either because I was possessed or stopping you from hurting someone when you're full demon, yet I would only strike you in your kimono as I don't have it in my heart to hurt you. I'm the one who loves you, wants you to stay as who you are, and whatever you chose to be even as a demon, I would still stand alongside you. Yet, you don't feel that way… do you?"

_But don't look at me…_

Stunned by her heartfelt speech, Inuyasha pulled away. His brain fumbling for words he could say to her. He wanted to say he loved her too, but he felt it would be a lie. It's true he had developed feelings for the kind hearted teenager, but his love lies with Kikyo, even if she departed from the living.

Upset by his hesitation, she lifted herself from the bed. Her back to him as she clenched her fists. Tears sprouted from her eyes, dripping endlessly to the carpet. She wanted to scream her agony, cry her grief, punch something in her anger even though she detested violence.

"Kagome?" Inuyasha murmured her name, almost frightened.

"Do me a favor Inuyasha," Kagome started as she turned her eyes to him. "Don't look at me,"

_if all you're going to see in me…_

"if you can't see me as Kagome Higurashi,"

_through me…_

"but as Kikyo."

_is her._


End file.
